I guess the best place to begin is at the beginning. So, a little bit about me, just a tiny tease into what you can expect if you decide to follow me. I am a 72-year-old woman, a wife to number three (Mike), a mother to a 49-year-old woman (Heather), a 39-year-old daughter (Krista), and a Nana to 19-year old granddaughter (Kamryn) and last but not least, a 13-year old grandson (Cole). We have 2 fur babies, Lexi at 14 years, is Mama to Marty 13, and the obnoxious female cat Moxie. So that is the immediate family that deals with me daily.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life.  Twelve years ago, I added chronic pain to the mix. I have many life stories that have given me a very close look into those dreaded diseases. I want to tell you my story with total honesty and transparency. 

I am the ultimate extravert, and mostly I have no filters.  My girls would say that I have been embarrassing to a fault. Throughout the years, I would be told by the girls on the way out the door to a gathering, "Mom, just be careful what you say."  What I thought was humor they felt they had to apologize for LOL  Here is a small example of what I consider humor. If, by chance, you think I am disgusting or weird, may I suggest that you move on to a little politically correct BLOG.

Every Thanksgiving, we would host everyone here in our home. A few years ago (well, more than a few, Krista was a high schooler with friends hanging out here), cleaning the turkey became what I loved about that holiday. Looking at Turkey's neck, my mind went somewhere it has not been in a long time. I thought how funny it would be to put the turkey neck in my shorts along the inside of my leg. I thought it was hysterical myself, but Kris, she was mortified LOL. That is just a  sample of things I believe are entirely appropriate. That remained a tradition for many years until I passed the torch of dressing the turkey to my successor.  That was the end of the Turkey Neck Thanksgivings.

I hope by telling my story, there is someone out there that feels like they are looking at their life.  You don't have to make the same mistakes that I did.  You do not have to hide your feelings; you deserve to have a life that is full and void of this disease no one wants to talk about.  With all the advancements in science that we have made, the fear and stigma of a mental health diagnosis leave millions of people suffering in silence.  This BLOG will first begin in my late teenage years.  These were the years that broke open my long-hidden struggle with mental health.  I will take you through my first love. How I learned and practiced co-dependency for over thirteen years. Then I will move on to the relationship that broke the camel's back.  I married for the second time to a true Sociopath.  I will then take you on the journey to my current relationship of the last twenty-two years of a healthy relationship.

 I will take you through my battle with chronic pain that surfaced over 12 years ago—  My struggle with opioid dependence.  You may have noticed I used the word "dependence" instead of the word "addiction."  That is because they are two totally different after-effects.   The difference between addiction and dependence can be challenging to understand. Most people and organizations have different definitions; they use the words interchangeably or even abandon both terms altogether. When people use the term "dependence," they are usually referring to a physical dependence on a substance. Dependence is characterized by the symptoms of tolerance and withdrawal. While it is possible to have a physical dependence without being addicted, addiction is usually right around the corner. I take exception to the last thought.  Becoming an addict is not always right around the corner.  This phenomenon is widely accepted by our medical community.  I know through my own experience that you can be dependent and not to be an addict.  I will get into this more throughout my story. 

 I will take you to My Ketamine Journey 2020.   Please, I in no way want sympathy or be considered a victim.  I want to show you that no matter your problems, age, or whatever is holding on to you.  There is an answer out there.  I will openly share my highs and lows—a quick look retrospectively of my wins and losses.  I want you to know you no longer have to hide in the darkness.  You have nothing to be ashamed of. 

The main focus of my story is based on our mental health community. But without the details of parts of my life, You would not give me the credibility I feel I have to discuss mental health.  To me, EMPATHY can only come if you indeed have walked in someone else's flip-flops. 

So I hope you come with me and that I can in some way touch you or encourage you to walk through those open doors without shame and fear !!!  Along the way, I will try to answer any questions you may have.    

justmesandi  is who and what I have become today

 

"Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength." Sigmund Freud